Father's Day | Song Dog Journal

Originally printed in the Custer County Chronicle on June 18, 2025

Have you ever noticed the following contrast?

When Mother’s Day comes around, in sweeps the sappy sentimentality from all quarters, religious and secular alike. Church sermons laud the important role mothers play, encouraging mothers to embrace their God-given status and find joy in the motherhood journey. Ushers hand out $5 gift cards for ice cream or flowers to all the mothers. Mothers are showered with admiration and gifts, treated to lunch, and generally doted upon. All the wrongs mothers can commit are overlooked, and motherhood is suddenly elevated to frank heroism by a culture that at all other times actively discourages women from having children and decries motherhood as being demeaning and bowing to the patriarchy (but can’t even define “mother” anyway), while memes circulate social media saying that Mother’s Day isn’t just for mothers, but for anyone who wants to be considered a mother – cat moms, dog moms, anyone. I find it all very confusing.

Father’s Day rolls around, though, and it is a different dynamic altogether. Church services might give a tiny nod to the day itself, might offer a brief prayer of thanks for all the fathers in our lives, but any sermon that takes place is generally not a celebration of God’s gift of fathers but a warning to fathers that they had better shape up, and here’s how to do it. Fathers aren’t lavished with gifts, and social media takes no break from the campaign against toxic masculinity (which really is usually just a campaign against masculinity, period). Fathers are often the butt of sarcastic jokes, and many run-of-the-mill issues full-grown adults wrestle with are tacitly or explicitly blamed on fathers and mistakes that were made during childhood.

The dichotomy is striking, if nothing else.

It seems to be a daily thing on the news, hearing about violent crimes, abuses, tyrannies, behind each of which is a man being dragged through the mud, sometimes justifiably, sometimes not. But for every single one of those events that dominate the news cycle, I would guess there are 10,000 men, invisible to all but their families, standing in the gap for their wives and children, for their communities, and for their faith. Men who rightly set the standard for manhood, for virtue and morality, for right and wrong, willing to hold the line against those who threaten the spiritual and physical wellbeing of those they love.

And we need that. We need those men. Desperately.

In a society where many social ills truly can be traced to fatherlessness and abuse by fathers, what we need is more strong, masculine figures, not fewer. More men who take the privilege of their strength seriously. And those men who are exemplary in their roles as husbands and fathers should never be in doubt about their value or importance.

We are who we are because of our fathers. Good fathers give us an example to follow. Poor fathers give a warning about what to avoid. But our fathers make us, and that trickles down through the generations, for better or for worse. Men learn how to treat their wives by watching how their fathers treat their mothers, for better or for worse. Women learn how they should be treated by watching how their fathers treat their mothers, for better or for worse. The importance of fatherhood – for better or for worse – absolutely cannot be overstated.

My dad set the standard of manhood for me. He was a steady, dependable, wise, Godly force in my life through all of my growing up years (and still is), and so much of the woman I became is a direct result of the example set by my own father. His living out of his masculinity gave so much context for my living out of my femininity. So much of what characterizes my faith and my thoughts and my loves and interests are because of my dad. How I view life, how I process information, decisions I’ve made – because of my dad. As an adult, he became the standard for what I ought to pray and look for in a husband, and his example of a loving and kind father and husband set the bar when I was dating. He demonstrated devotion to God, faithfulness to wife, love of children, gentle but firm in his expectations and corrections of us, and always pointing us back to Christ. He, with all of his imperfections and flaws notwithstanding, was my standard of masculinity and manhood.

Then there is my father-in-law, who has been a constant presence in my life for the last 7 years, as the first person on the volunteer fire department to take me under his wing and show me the ropes, and, more importantly, as the man who helped make my husband the man that he is. And I’m so thankful for that. I’m thankful for the honesty and integrity that my father-in-law has modeled to his son, for the instinct to generosity, the work ethic and ingenuity (it is amazing what can be done with wire and willpower), the commitment to family and community, the importance of being a capable and compassionate leader, and that there are more important things in life than the money in one’s bank account. I’m even thankful for the somewhat twisted sense of humor that I now have to suffer with on a daily basis.

And it isn’t too long before I get to watch husband step into his own role as father. Who we are because of our fathers will shape and mold the next generation.

We stand on the shoulders of the men who made us.

Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight. ~Proverbs 4:1

We learn the foundations of life from them – Our work ethics, how to interact in the world, how to treat people, how to be the people God made us to be. We follow their examples. In relationships. In work. In spiritual and faith matters. We learn life skills, of all sorts. We learn our sense of humor from them. We learn how to shrug off a skinned knee or hurt feelings, how to stand up tall and stand our ground. Boys learn about manhood how to treat women by how their fathers treat their mothers. Girls learn about womanhood and how they should be treated as women, by watching how their fathers treat their mothers. We share their genetics. Physical characteristics. Personality traits.

There are two important fathers in my life, men who have played important roles in my life over the years, and who have, through their examples and leadership and faith and decisions, contributed to the life I feel so blessed to be living. My father, and my father-in-law.

Like many a father does, like a good father will, my dad set my standard in so many ways – He was the dad, the best dad. He was the way a father ought to be. The way a husband ought to be. I think of the things I learned from my dad – My view of the world, my love of Jesus, my entrepreneur-spirit, that it is okay to change directions in life, how to follow God even when what He is asking of us makes no sense to the people around us. How to do what is right even when everything in you and around you is rebelling against it. That there are so many things more important in life than what others think of us, or how padded our bank accounts are. I learned my love of the outdoors. My love of politics and theology. My love of photography, even. In a lot of ways, I can thank my dad for the husband I ended up marrying. Dad’s example of Godly manhood shaped and influenced what I knew to look for in a husband, the things that were important to me. Kindness. Humility. A genuine and abiding love for Christ. A willingness to learn and grow and change. A desire to lead.

But my thankfulness doesn’t stop with my dad. Not only have I been blessed with a Godly and strong father, God has also blessed me with a great father-in-law. I am also so thankful for the man who shaped and molded my now husband as a boy and a younger man, who has served as a primary example to my husband of how a faithful husband and father should act, how to be a leader in the community and church, and a man of strength and resilience. I’m thankful for his kind spirit and his willingness to teach. Incidentally, he was the first person to come alongside me the first day I showed up to a fire department training and start showing me the ropes. Little did I think that five years later he’d be my father-in-law!

Dad, I’m so thankful to be your daughter! Dave, I’m thankful to be your daughter-in-law! For the roles you’ve played in my life, for your faith in God and your faithfulness to the things He has given you. Both of you, for your kindness and care for the people around you. For being Godly men, men of character and integrity.

Happy Father’s Day!